Let's have a Conversation

Let's have a Conversation

It's been a couple of years since I've shared anything with my followers. I sincerely appreciate your patience. Like all of you, It's been one crazy ride for all of us. Further, it's time to use my God given gift and do what I do best. By His grace, I pray each of us ponder the things I'm about to share. 

I'll start by guiding you through the (extremely) short version of how I became who I am today. Some of the people in my life are aware that I was adopted while in elementary school. I lived a fairly normal life, although I will admit up front that there was some abuse behind closed doors. My family raised me in a small town from the age of 2, in a house they bought and owned well into my adult years.  

In my adult life, it's been one remarkable ride. I fell in more pits than I realized even existed. Each time, to this day, I have chosen to lead by example, so I would pick myself up (with the help of my Savior, Jesus), climb out of the pit and march on. How in the world was I going to teach my children to have values and morals if I didn't set an example?

Through the adult years, I endured both physical and mental abuse. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've broken down and cried, wept, pouring my heart out to God. He heard me. Peace would come. That's when I found just how true it is that "when I am weak, He is strong" (2 Corinthians 12:10) and what it means in real life. 

Let's get to the point. Everyone I know or encounter is struggling in some way. We struggle emotionally over the insanity around us, over issues that many of us older folks would be honored to simply sit down and discuss randomly about with you, from the perspectives of each other. You see, as we age in life, we learn step by step what's actually important, what matters. We  simply enjoy a good, friendly conversation or debate. Having an opinion different from one another did not end the relationship, or the world.

Sadly, times have changed so drastically that many see this as impossible. You're wrong! Simple as that. I'm not pulling any punches, and other people's feelings might feel a sting.  Your business is  truly not my business. However, at the same time I am going to speak the truth because we all need to hear it.

Moving right along, My generation, and several others, dropped the ball on our kids, grandkids, and all future generations. We all make mistakes. We are, after all, human. However, mistakes and excuses are absolutely, unequivocally not the same thing. We need to own our mistakes and then move forward. 

Excuses are another thing entirely. Excuses destroy us, whether we realize it or not, and can do great harm to those around us. We’re facing facts now. Dealing with errors in judgment, learning from them and getting on with life. And stop all this petty fighting. Those of you who seem to enjoy starting drama, or at the very least feeding into it, simply need to grow up. This isn’t an age issue. I know children with more common sense than many adults. Sorry, but not sorry. I am sick of all the pathetic mind games. We’re all guilty of this. Own it! We have all participated, one way or another.

We're told don't do this; you have to do this other thing; don't say that word because it's offensive. Give me a break! That is the most pansy attitude I've ever witnessed in my entire life. I'm not slamming any particular generation either. We’re all guilty after a certain point in our lives. Stop talking and such nonsense! I ask you this: When did we as a society get so lost that we allow our God given rights to be stripped away? When did we become so complacent that we chose to ignore our Creator, regarding any given topic? 

We have casually sat back for years approving immoral attitudes, lifestyles and more that are clearly against the Holy Bible, the Word of God. I have actually experienced having made someone I genuinely care about "uncomfortable" because, without question, this person knew my perspective on the topic at hand. I was attending a dinner. Out of respect for the host and hostess, I kept my mouth shut.

Please understand, I'm not in the least bit angry at anyone. We're all guilty in some form or another. What I'm hoping you understand is that having a peaceful conversation makes way more sense than screaming, belittling, and deliberately hurting another human being. Who do we think we are? How does it make you feel when the target is You? 

It's OK to have a genuine conversation with nearly all the people around you. Seriously, it is. Oh, and for the record, You are not mistake. Someone needs to know that. I'm telling you, each and everyone of us has a purpose. The key to discovering the plan God has through your purpose is to get close to Him. Talk to Him.

There's a major misconception, even through the churches of our world about knowing our Creator. We have this image in our minds of a mysterious being who's way far away in some unknown place. We may think that we've done or gone through things that make us beyond unworthy to have the very thought of approaching the throne of God. Well, stop it! That’s pride, period. Who do you think you are to see yourself as just another blip in time? In fact, we are. However, this God, our Creator, knows you by name, and can count the very hairs on your head. 

We need to realize that our Creator didn't send us to Earth expecting us to be perfect. He knew before we were ever conceived that we were going to blow it, repeatedly. Don't most of us think "Nailed it, God. Ding, Ding, Ding''?

I've made more wrong choices than I could begin to count. In other words, I'm not a saint by far. Life can change on a dime. Haven't we all witnessed this in one way or another over the past two years? Have you considered that it's time to get our acts together, trust God, listen, truly listen, to what He tells you through His Holy Spirit? Have you considered how you would feel if the words coming from your own mouth had been aimed at you rather than spewed out by you? Is that what we call trying to live like Jesus? I'm serious. It's time we put on our boots, buckle up for a bumpy ride, and start being the person (each of us) that we're called to be. 

Let go of the crap from your past. It's over, move on. It's really that simple. Find yourself sinning against God in some form or another and believing all the garbage in your mind about how bad of a person you are? Stop it. Now! Get over yourself and grow up. You can't do a thing to change your past, or that of other people. Understand this: we will each stand before our Creator and King one day. It's not an if. It's a question of when. Period. It's the Truth. It's an unchangeable fact that we lost sight of over the years. I'm over it, ya'll. 

Here's the bottom line: We can continue to demoralize our neighbors, cutting them down or we can stop acting like we're better than others (smarter, richer, blah blah blah). Personally, I don't care what you do or how you choose to live this journey called life. It's genuinely between you and God Almighty, and no one else. Fact! 

Neither are we called to judge one another. I don't have to like or approve of your choices anymore than you have to like or approve mine. However, I will not under any circumstances lie to you about what God's Word says regarding issues we may discuss. 

My entire life has been one of researching, learning, exploring, and trying to make sense of whatever happened to be the order of the day. Little did I know, it would serve me well in life.

Please remember, God did not make a mistake when he created YOU! I know it's true because He taught me that regarding myself. True story.

I love you guys. (I don't participate in politically correct terminology). I truly do love all of you. If you only know how deeply I long for each of you to take a little time and spend it with our Heavenly Father. I'm not talking like prayer warriors were created to be. Just, have a conversation with Him. You'll learn rather quickly that He absolutely does respond back to us. We're never alone, not ever. Stop fighting with the people around you and show a little kindness. Listen to hear, not to simply give a response. Be present, engaged. And show love the way God intended us to do.

God bless you, 

Tammy E. Howell

DEAR LORD

Dear Lord, I'm about to break. Actually, maybe I Am breaking! You've called me to the plate. It's my turn to bat. And you know I'll do as you have called me to do. You know my heart. You know I've loved you since I was a little girl. I have experienced your deliverence time and again and I'm so grateful, Lord. You know I am.
I had no idea why any of the things I've experienced in life happened. I may never understand, this side of heaven. And Lord, I still trust you. I will continue to listen for your voice, to respond as you would. Lord.
I also know there are times in life, like this one, where we rely entirely on our faith in you to take our very next breath. Well, Lord, I'm there. My heart cries out to you. I'm breaking and I need your help, again. I know I'm not alone in these feelngs of loss, these feelings of abandonment. Many of us know to come running to you. When the punches seem to keep coming, they keep hitting deeper, the wounds causing massive scars I have grown over time to keep going, trust that you really are with me and lean into you when I want to. I never imagined how quickly life can change.
The old-timers got it right. Life can change on a dime, and you won't even see it comin'. I heard that one growing up. Ironically, Grandpa was right.
Lord, thank you for calming me down. I was losing it. It's my guess that we all do every once in a while. I hope they remember to talk to you, Lord. It still blows me away how different I am when I take everything to you. I would have done slapped the stupid out of me, had I been you. Seriously! Anyway, thanks for listening, again. I love you, Lord. I needed to hear you, listening.

IN UNEXPECTED WAYS

It’s taken me a long time to sit down and let my fingers fly across the keys on my laptop. I found that I couldn’t. This is commonly called writer’s block, which it is in a sense. However, for me the meaning was much more personal.

There are times in all of our lives where we get blindsided by life in a way we could never have seen coming. If you’re anything like me, the trauma of such incidents can affect us far deeper than we realize at the time. I am one of these people.

I’m going to share a piece of my story with you, not for any other purpose than to, hopefully, inspire someone out there to hold onto your hope.

To say my life has been tumultuous would be a huge understatement. I’ll say it like this: I feel like Job, and I’m beyond serious.

In 2005, I moved to Lake Worth, Florida, a suburb of West Palm Beach. I loved it there. I loved where I lived, I had wonderful neighbors, and I was genuinely happy, for the most part. I was free in many ways. I was living a nice life in a climate that I wish I still lived in. (Really, I love South Florida) I made good money, my credit was getting better and better, I traveled, a lot, and I became co-owner of a really cool fixer-upper in Winfield, Alabama. Both were gorgeous areas and our home in Alabama was turning out wonderful as we remodeled.

In June, 2008, I was the passenger in a rollover accident in a borrowed truck. The next year was a strenuous exercise of patience, and agony. I went through a battery of “corrective” procedures, that didn’t work, ultimately requiring a cervical disc replacement. As expected, recovery was going to take some time. I had returned to Indiana to see my local doctor since my entire medical history was in Indiana. I ended up staying a month for therapy.

When I left for Florida, I drove to Alabama first and prepared to team drive the rest of the way to Lake Worth. It was unusually quiet on the drive, but I really thought nothing of it at the time. When we arrived at home, I was given news that actually sucked the breath out of me causing me to run for the door so I could breathe. Caught up by the scene of a personal nightmare, I moved back to Indiana without looking back.

Shortly after my return, I purchased my childhood home. I did some repairs to the place but soon realized I simply couldn’t fix the house like it needed and made the tough decision to sell it. The house sold in less than a month and I found another house shortly after that.

It’s been a year and a half since I sat on my front porch and read the nell blow letter that caused me to throw in the towel. I looked around my neighborhood, blindly staring at the pine trees gently swaying across the street. I was numb. I knew in that moment that I didn’t care that I was walking away from everything I had ever worked for. I gave away anything I could, kept only what I needed, and walked away. That day on the porch, I closed my eyes, imagined myself on that proverbial cliff we have all heard about and I leaped. My thoughts: God, I give! If you’re there, catch me. He did.

Stepping back a minute, I need to give a generalized understanding of what caused this mentality. I had returned to college in Spring, 2015. I was doing well. However, I had no clue what was about to come at me nor the impending impact.

It hurts when we are mentally crushed by those we hold closest to our heart's. I can personally and most definitely attest that it is true. This was the incomprehensible beginning of my Job experience. Unimaginable heartache, financial ruin, explosive verbal attacks, accusations that were so misguided and judgemental that I was shocked beyond belief. In my few years away from Indiana, I thought life was going rather well for my family. I was mistaken.

One would expect this to be more than enough for anyone to handle. However, it’s not the end of the story. During this time period, I had to walk away from a large number of people I once called close personal friends. Further, I relocated to a place I haphazardly trusted to be a safe place, and a place to call home. Again, I was wrong.

Almost a year to the day later, in late June of this year, my life took another drastic modification that I couldn’t have foreseen. Adding insult to injury, my car engine had blown only a couple of months prior to this event. Suddenly, I found myself in an area of the state where I had limited acquaintances and no close friends nearby. I couldn’t imagine being able to help anyone else, in any sense of the word, when I had no idea what was happening in my own life.

There is one person who has been by my side, through thick and thin, after the tumultuous beginning of our relationship. Through the mountains and valleys, we have weathered storms I didn’t even realize could happen. He’s been a sensational support, as I try to be for him. Yet, there is more to this story.

I cannot, and will not, say that I’m out of this valley. However, I want you to understand how I’ve made it this far. That morning on my front porch in 2017 when I mentally took the leap off that cliff, my focus was solely on God’s presence, and full of questions. Are you here? Do you see any of this? Do you have any idea how much I’m hurt? Do you even care? If you really are here, and I know you are, catch me! And I jumped. What I found amazing was how I didn’t feel even the slightest jolt when I stepped off the cliff edge. It was like landing in the palm of the hand of God, comforted by Jesus and his angels. Peace, in the midst of this was beyond comprehension. I had never experienced this much anguish in my entire life prior to that moment. And yet, God was right there all along, and I had just discovered a new depth of His peace.

I have learned a few more things through all of this. First, that I was never alone, not once. Two, I discovered my vulnerability and three, I realized because of my difficult past, I had unwittingly become an enabler by nature. That wasn’t good. Nor was the sorrow of acknowledging I had unintentionally hurt the ones I hold closest in my heart either. I thought my heart was going to stop when I realized this.

I found that we often hurt people without knowing it. I realize that holding on too tightly can result in explosive division with loved ones. I’ve realized that the only One I can trust completely with my life is the One who knows me intimately. His name is Jesus.

I can recall accounts in my life that confirm without question the reality and love and grace of my Father in heaven. I find myself feeling my heart reach an entirely new level of love and compassion and so much more that I’d lost sight of.

I’m opening my life to you about this in the genuine hope that someone reading it will realize that, even in the valleys, God loves us. He will allow bad things to happen, but does he cause them. And he always goes through them with us. I’m sure each of us has been told at some point that we learn the biggest lessons through the toughest times. Speaking frankly, it’s true. It’s easy to believe that Jesus walks with me in the good times. What I’ve discovered is that our worst experiences produce the the best and most powerful blessings.

How will all this end? I have no idea. What I do know is that I’m not alone, even during those times when it seems that I am. I want you to understand that I’m human, too. I don’t just talk about stuff. I’ve experienced it. You’re not alone, ever.

It is my prayer that this helps someone who is going through a struggle, or even a crisis, in your life. You might feel like asking what’s the point? You might want to simply quit, give up. You may ask how anything good can come from your current mess? I’m telling you, it can! Don’t ever give up. Talk to Jesus. He really is our best friend. And I can tell you from my own experience that God will bring you through this, lead you into the path of a true friend to help you, in the right time. A friend who will be there to help guide you along life’s way, even if it means crawling with you until you’re able to stand. God bless you. He loves you, and so do I.

SALT AND LIGHT OR DARK AND NIGHT?

If we were to meet in public, how would I feel when I do? Better yet, how about you? How would you feel upon leaving my presence? Will the encounter be positive, building each other up, or negative, tearing each other down inside our hearts? If we ran across each other again, would we attempt to avoid each other or feel blessed to have run across each others paths? We have a choice on how we treat others.

Often, we find ourselves in awkward situations where we can’t wait to get away from the person we run across. Other times, maybe they can’t wait to get away from you. Why? Complaining, negative thinking or attitude, pride, selfishness, need I go on?

One thing we as Christians often forget is who we belong to. We are children of the most high God. We are royalty, and we need to live up to that standard rather than bowing down to what this corrupt world calls right and fair and just.

So often, the world sees “religion”, not Christianity. There is a difference. Religion has never been the cause of Christ. Living a Godly life is following the path Jesus leads us on, and being a witness (both in lifestyle and verbally). Witnessing is not ‘preaching’. Witnessing is telling others about what God did for you, being a living example of Christ, and so much more.. It’s setting ourselves to a higher standard so we stand out amongst the crowds. We are the salt and light of the earth.

No one has, or ever will, take your place in life. We are each created uniquely, set apart, and we have the ability to have “on earth as it is in heaven”. How? Serving others. We cannot have a positive influence in this world if we don’t know how to serve others.

No one gets a free pass on wasted gifts and talents. We were blessed with each and every one of them, for a purpose. Will we stumble sometimes? Yes, we all do. However, we won’t be forgiven. We already are forgiven. You see, God knew every mess up we would ever make in life before we were ever conceived. God has a plan for your life, a wonderful plan that can only be achieved by trusting God, following Jesus and paying close attention to the Holy Spirit. This trinity is our life-line, a guide for getting to heaven, with instructions along the way to help us bring other people with us. (The Holy Bible)

God loves each and everyone of us as we are. However, in order to have the life God wants us to have we must follow His guidance, always. Yes, we’re going to mess up. We’re not called to be perfect, but we are supposed to live life to the fullest and enjoy every single day we are here. We cannot do that without letting God lead us.

If, by chance, you question this statement, please tell me: How is life working out for you so far? What is your secret sin? (And believe me, it’s not a secret from the rest of us) Pride, lust, greed, complaining, self indulgence: These are just a few of the issues we face every single day of our lives. The cost to how we answer it can be life giving, or deadly, for eternity.

Are you acting like a 15 year old when you’re 50? Are you paying your bills but indulging yourself with your own desires, or are you reaching out and helping, serving and blessing others when you can? Growing up, becoming a mature adult is far more than that. It’s being a man/woman who understands the statement: “It’s not about me”. Maturity includes responsibility for our thoughts, our actions (or lack thereof), taking care of your spouse the way God intended, as well as releasing your grown children so they can find their own path in life. I can personally attest to the fact that holding on is very costly. Being responsible and mature means facing the fact that we’re no longer children, we’re adults. It’s time to grow up and act like it.

Do you complain about the lack of maturity in your grown children? If so, maybe leading by example, by growing up ourselves, will teach those we love how to be an adult, the right way. Stop acting like a kid yourself. Be the example for them to follow. Stand up for what’s right. Set boundaries, and stick to them.

If your friends or your family members are trying to break up what God brought together, walk away from them. That doesn’t mean stop letting them know you do still love them and care about them. However, it does mean taking a stand for your partner. It’s not allowing negative talk, or actions, into your relationship. At times, that means staying away. Period. When anyone disrespects our spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend, we’re telling them they and their feelings aren’t important to you. It’s putting others before God, and before your mate. It’s a lack or proper, Biblical, standards. Grow up! We have clear instructions in the Bible on how personal relationships are meant to work. (See Ephesians 5:24-25)


I’ve met more people than I can count who live selfishly, always complaining, never see the good in anything, stubbornly refuse to own up to their own issues while pointing the finger of blame at someone else. Tell me this: Do you sit down with the crowd at work or school, or on the phone, your computer, or social media and get involved in discussions you shouldn’t even be a part of? Do you laugh at crude jokes or when your ‘buddies’ crack jokes or put down someone? If you do, you’re sinning. Simple as that. No one is immune to sin, but we’re all able to bring our lives, in every area, before God and ask Him to guide us, direct our steps, guard our lips, heart's, minds, etc. What will you do?

We talk about unity, yet many in our society participate in racism, rally’s that discriminate based on religious beliefs, color of skin, and a slew of other social issues. Set your sights higher. God said we are all created equal. If you want to be the salt and light to the darkness of this world, turn on the light! It really isn’t that hard.

We, God’s creation, are the ones who complicate life. We are the ones who question God’s sovereignty. We are the ones who think we can ‘handle it ourselves’. Well, if you think you can, go for it. God’s not going anywhere. He’s going to be waiting for you when you realize you actually do need His help to navigate life.

So, what about you? Are you spreading salt and light, or letting society dictate the way you live? Are you being salt and light, or participating in the spreading of darkness and night?

`I can’t answer that question for you, but I can tell you where to find your answers. God’s word isn’t just a fairytale. It’s history. Read the book (the Bible). All the answers we need to navigate life are written for us, to guide us on this journey, this adventure, called life. A change in perspective can change your entire life. Every single day I find a reason to enjoy it. I can assure you, there is no better adventure than learning to follow the ways of Jesus. Putting it bluntly, life with Jesus is awesome!

So, what is your choice? Before you answer, make sure you know: Your very life is dependant upon your answer. God bless you.

THE STORMS OF LIFE CAME CALLING

In recent months, life has had a grand time kicking my butt all over the place. I discovered things, both about myself and about some of the people I deeply love, that turned my life completely around.

Addressing myself first, I must admit that it's difficult to believe I was blind to life, and the reality of what I was "viewing" but not really "seeing". On 3 different occasions I had to fight to keep my house. I had financed it just 2 years before. However, after fighting with everything in me, I ,ultimately, chose to let it go. As crazy as it sounds, I feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders.

To be honest, when I closed that email telling me that foreclosure was proceeding, I realized in that very moment that I've been beyond exhausted from fighting, for everything in my life. I'm over it. No, that doesn't mean I'm just giving up. What it means is: I'm letting go of what's hurting me, and going in the direction that God is taking me. I was heading in a wrong direction, and doing so at an accelerated speed.

In the midst of fighting to save my house, I was having very serious panic attacks. My doctor actually put me on a suicide watch list (I'm not suicidal) because of the event that occurred. A verbal lashing, like no other I've ever experienced in my entire life, broke me. I was going through the motions of living for weeks. I was just lost, shocked, devastated. Thank God for giving me such an amazing man in my life who's been there for me through it all. He's been my rock when I needed him most, and I'll be eternally thankful to him for that. My sister kept me from living on the streets. She's a blessing in my life in so many ways.

The person who hurt me so deeply (who shall remain nameless) had been on a pedestal for as many years as I've known her. It is said (in the Bible) that the tongue is as sharp as a two-edged sword. I'm absolutely, unequivocally positive, this statement is true. I've been hurt deeply in the past, but this time felt like I had not only been stabbed in the heart, it felt like having the knife stabbed in, twisted, and ripped up my body. It was an experience that words cannot describe.

Along with all this, I was dealing with the addictions of loved ones around me. I actually expressed to one of my family members that I needed to change directions, get completely away from where I was, start over, and live life for myself for a change. To me, letting go of what's been keeping me down and letting God take me where He wants me has given me more peace than I knew was possible. I've been so calm that I've been repeatedly asked if I'm OK. I must admit there are days when I feel free, wonderful, happy. And there are days when I just want to throw my hands up and quit. Thank God for the real friends in my life who won't let me do that. No, I'm not "OK". Not yet. What's beyond amazing is that I'm standing.

When that hate-filled verbal attack happened last Spring, I was knocked flat on my butt, mentally. My boyfriend took his day and devoted it to helping me. He listened. He held me when I needed it. He loved me through it. I loved this man before, but that day, he proved his love for me beyond words. I know I'm blessed to be his lady. I'm very thankful he didn't give up on me long ago. I was a mental mess. I was seeing things I never even imagined possible happening to me. (Denial is an evil trick of Satan) In this process, one of the many parties involved went so far as to plant paraphernalia throughout my house. (I called the police) It's by the grace of God that I found out about it. I can't imagine who in their right mind would ever go so far, to hate so much, as to do something like this to family. However, I've learned the hard way that this world is a mess. Sadly, this mess came knocking on my door. I have the enabler personality, also known as: "peace maker", "wearing one's heart on their sleeve", "gullible", "naive", etc.

I have always been the "peacemaker" in my family, since I was a child old enough to do so. I want you to know exactly what turned my life around, for the good. First, it was the verbal attack. But there was much more to it, as I stated above. My life had been spinning out of control for a long time, right before my eyes, but I didn't see it. Maybe I should say, I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to believe what I was seeing, or what I was piecing together in this tornadic time in my life.

Needless to say, when I was gut punched (verbally) I fell hard. The wind was knocked out of my sails, but letting go of the familiar has been the best thing I've ever done, for myself. I stress that point (for myself) because another scripture in the Bible reminds us to take care of ourselves, because if we don't, we're not truly capable of helping others. Through the love and support of my boyfriend, other family members, and friends, I'm standing again.

When life flipped on me, I was not only lifted up by our loving God, He carried me. I know I'm walking again, but I'm still being supported (a lot) by His strong arms. And as I limp along, I realize what a blessing it is to know we can go directly to our Father, anytime, anywhere, any place? How awesome is that?

I have to let you know that this battle is still raging. Always remember, the hardest hits satan throws is through the one's we love the most. I've had more stumbling blocks thrown at me over the past year then I've ever experienced at one time, and I'm genuinely surprised I'm alive. It's purely by the grace of God that I am. Anxiety attacks had gotten so bad that I couldn't tell if I was actually going through an attack or I was having a heart attack. Yes, there's fear, but there's way more faith and excitement. I actually believe that the battle that's been raging is a direct result of my being anywhere that's not where God is guiding me.

Needless to say, I took the leap. I'm no longer in a complete free-fall like I was when I jumped off the proverbial cliff. In truth, life seems to be more like gliding on the wings of the angels towards where I'm supposed to be. Now, in the midst of the battle that's still raging around me, I'm at peace. I'm finding "me" again. I've actually missed myself. Sound crazy? Maybe so, but if you've ever experienced the loss of yourself in life, I know you understand.

All in all, yes, I've been in a full-on raging storm, and it continues around me. Those are the key words here: around me!Yet another stumbling block was thrown at me earlier today, before writing this post, that ripped at my heart. I can admit, I stumbled. I am just amazed by how insane life has been. The good thing is that I didn't fall completely down this time because of those strong arms that are still there supporting me as I walk in with Him.

I've been learning through all of this trauma that getting blind sided in life is par for the course. We have to choose wisely. What will your choice regarding Your issue be, when compared to the light of eternity? Simply put, if God isn't first in your life, you're chasing the wind. Only when you stop, take pause, and listen for that still small voice will you find right answers and walk in peace.

Even in the midst of our storms, we can have that peace that passes all understanding. I've experienced it before, but definitely not on this level. All I can say is thank you, Jesus, for loving me, and not giving up on me.

I love you all, and so does God. My prayers are with you, always. God bless you. I do. <3

LIFE, RELATIONSHIPS AND CHOICES

It is what it is! I'm sure most of us have heard that statement at least once. Some of us have even said it, like me. To be honest, I had to learn a few lessons before the deep seeded truth in those words hit home.

Reality can stink sometimes, but once we make the choice to acknowledge what is going on in our lives, and take the necessary steps to change things, we’re on our way to a better life. No, it doesn’t happen overnight. However, it does change. The most powerful change that will happen is freedom. Yes, I said freedom.

I always share a personal experience and this time is no different.Over the past few months I have been knocked on my butt several times, metaphorically speaking. I nearly lost my house, twice, and a family friend passed away in the midst of all of this. When someone you dearly love, whom you’ve sacrificed for repeatedly over the years, cuts your heart like it’s tissue paper being sliced by the sharpest sword ever made, the pain is unimaginable. That is, unless you’ve been there.

No one goes through life without challenges. The ups and down’s of life happen for a reason. I don’t know a single person who doesn’t think their life would make a great soap opera or movie. Most laugh as we say it. For some people, it’s true. As for me, I’m not ready to share my entire story, but when I am, it will be in book form.

In our darkest times, when there isn’t a light at the end of the tunnel, it can take every ounce of strength we can muster just to make it through a single day. Friend, I’m here to tell you, hold on. Don’t you dare let go. You have dreams. We all do, and they are there for a reason. Even if you’re on your butt, even when you can’t see a reason to go on, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and continue on until that light shines bright again.

In my years as a young adult, there were many times I wanted to die. I often laid in bed at night, crying myself to sleep, begging God to take me Home. Needless to say, God had different plans for me. In the long process of learning to stand again, then learning to fly, I fell so many times I lost count. Abuse of unimaginable levels, broken relationships, broken heart, broken trust, and indescribable life events have ultimately made me the person I am today. It wasn’t easy finding “me”, finding who the “real” me is. But I found myself, one step at a time.

It is only when we stand defiantly in the face of fear and refuse to back down that we finally start to grow into who we’re each meant to be. Something that happened to me in the not-so-distant past profoundly changed my life. I was struggling with a major decision. One day, as the time arrived to make a choice, quite literally, I saw the image of a door with a beautiful handle. There was another behind me. As clearly as it was on that day, I can still see that image. However, that wasn’t the end of it. While seeing this, I heard, audibly, “if you want what’s before you, let go of the handle”.

I knew what that meant immediately. I had to choose. Thankfully, I chose to let go of the door knob behind me and reach for the one in front of me. By letting go, my life has changed for the better. I was single, and content in life to stay that way unless God chose with whom He wanted me to be with. In due time, I met the wonderful man I’m with now. I wouldn’t have had this opportunity had I chosen to turn back.

My friends, life is never going to be easy. No relationship, personal, family, friendships or otherwise, can survive if we choose to remain in the past. Life doesn’t work that way. I know a lot of people who blame everyone else except themselves for the circumstances of their lives. Do you know how unfair that is to them? It’s a heavy burden to carry when you’re held accountable for another person’s happiness. If you genuinely want a better life, stop that. You are responsible for your own happiness. It’s your choice how your life turns out. Putting that burden on anyone else can ultimately ruin relationships of any kind.

Excuses are a dime a dozen. I’ve used that, too. It’s when I stopped doing so, life changed, I found myself to be happy, and I realized how blessed I am. It is my wish to encourage you to think about what I have said, and I mean seriously think about it. And while you do, remember: you are loved, and I am one of those people who loves you.

LIFE STRUGGLES

Good morning my dear friends and family. It's been quite some time since I have spoken to you in this respect. Sure, I share pictures often, but I am way behind on sharing, so here goes:
This past few weeks have been extremely difficult for myself, family and some of our friends. I apologize if this tugs at your heart, but it's my reality, and I've never lied to you or hidden my life. About 2 1/2 weeks ago, a long-time family friend chose my house in Anderson as his place to end his life. He hung himself in my garage. A few days later, he passed away at the hospital. Sadly, my 14 year old grandson (who lives there) found him, and he had known the man for at least half his young life. It has totally shaken him, and it breaks my heart, makes me very angry, and my emotions have been off the charts. As if that's not enough, there is more.
Two of my close family members are drug addicts, in a very bad way. I love them with all that I am, and it tears at my heart to, basically, pull the carpet from under their feet. I chose to cut them off so they will either fly or fall. It's a toss up which way it will go.
In light of all of this, I've had a very sensitive heart lately. I've found myself at a loss of words, and other times, I talk my David's head off.
I've chosen to Give management of my Anderson house among other things (full power of attorney) to my daughter. Although I worry that it may be to much for her, I am beyond thankful that she and her husband offered to help me.
Dealing with boundaries is never easy. At times, it can be risky for some people. Thankfully, I'm dealing with that part fairly well (I think).
Add to this the fact that it's time for finals prep for the semester, plus normal assignments, I've had to cut all my classes except one. It hurt me in some ways but it's opened other doors at the same time. I'm choosing to let go of the closing doors of my life and step through to the new.
None of this has been easy. I want those of you out there, my priceless friends and family, to know that I do understand traumatic life circumstances. I deal with them, too. So when I seem "strong", maybe I am, but I do have times that I fall, flat on my face. But my precious loved ones, don't ever stay there. It may be the Hardest thing you ever do, but get your butt up off that ground, dust yourself off, then take a step. It don't matter what direction you follow (within reason). What matters is that you don't give up.
I cannot express to you strongly enough how hard it's been to deal with all that's happened lately. But I can tell you this, I'm not ready to lay down and die. I'm not ready to give up on life. I've been thrown some very hard curve balls in my life (even as a child), and I will NOT quit. I implore you, don't you quit either. Get off that dirty floor and move. No one, and I do mean no one, wants to attend a pity party, no matter who's having it. So stop doing it to yourself. Get up, shake off whatever has tried to knock you down for the count and stand up. Look life in the eye and be defiant if need be. A little rebel in us never hurt anyone. Fight!! Fight for YOUR life, not for someone else. Take back control of your OWN life, and I promise you, even the tough times, can be navigated in a way that will surprise you.
As I close, I want to remind you that you are NEVER alone. You are loved, and you deserve the best in life. Keep your head held high, smile at someone today, and Live, for YOU. I love you, God loves you. Have a blessed day.

RELIGION vs.....

I grew up in church from infancy. My grandmother took me to church the first year of my life. She took me every Sunday and after one year of perfect attendance, I received a King James Bible for having done so. Of course, I was unable to read, but I had that Bible until just a while ago when it was lost during moving. Tattered, cover coming off, the date I received it and from that church were all noted in the front of the Bible, and I wish I still had it.

I have enjoyed being a Christian, and I still do. I remember where I was, but not my age, when I first got saved. I was in a Sunday school class, approximately 10 years of age, and my teacher was known as Mr. Alexander. Each week, we were asked to learn a new Bible verse, which I did faithfully. I enjoyed learning from the Bible.

As I've grown older, I've have found a lot of disappointing things in the various churches I've attended. There is a huge misunderstanding in many of them, and it breaks my heart. Religion has become a label that causes a lot of separation. I know because I was raised to recognize it. My mother was Church of God, which is where my family attended. My adoptive father was raised Catholic and my mother constantly put his life-long beliefs down. Isn't that a sad thing to show your children?

In adult life, I have attended a number of churches, and I liked most of them. However, I found after some time that there were a few that I attended that didn't teach the complete truth. Isn't that the same thing as lying? It is to me. One church I attended for several years created friendships that were wonderful. I, to this day, am thankful to each of them for the love they shared. It was at this church that I was devastated to find they taught something that dumb-founded me. We were learning about God being the same yesterday, today and always. Shortly after hearing this. our teacher, the pastor, stated that the gifts of the spirit died with the apostles. Now, I know there are many who believe this. My question to you would be, why? If God is the same yesterday, today and always, how is it even remotely possible that the Spiritual gifts died with the apostles? I find that to be contradictory to the teachings in the whole Bible.

I left that church shortly after that. I found that I suddenly felt it more of a chore, a duty, to attend church. I didn't want to get out of bed. I wanted to sleep in, but went out a sense of duty. That is Not what a reason to attend church.

Prior to all of this, my best friend at the time had asked me to visit her church. When she offered again, after this happened, I chose to go. When I walked in the doors of that church I was overwhelmed with the peace and love that radiated there. It was like a huge hug from God himself. I started attending there every week.

Towards the end of that season in the church, I was deeply hurt by the pastor. I needed help so I asked for it, with full intentions of repaying the churches kindness as soon as I could. Devastated, a friend who drove me home apologized for what had happened as I cried all the way home. You have to understand, I didn't ask for money, I simply needed diapers for my infant child. I later found help somewhere else, but I was crushed in spirit. I turned from the church for quite a while.

I did not turn away from God when this happened, but I did turn away from organized church. I began to study God's word on my own. I searched any way I could to learn about the churches around me. What I found was how many religions were talking down about other religions. Church of God, Catholic, Episcopalian, Lutheran and many others. What I found was not only shocking, it was down right unreal to me. How could anyone condemn others and still claim to be Christians?

My experience with the pastor of the second church that hurt me, a non-denominational church, caused me to shy away from everyone and every type of church that I would find putting down another church's beliefs. Don't all of us follow the same God? Don't we all believe that Christ died for our sins and was raised from the dead for Us? So tell me, what's the problem? I am still baffled by it.

This is my personal perspective on all of this. I don't care what church you attend as long as you believe that God is God, he sent his only Son to save those who choose to believe, and that His Son was raised from the dead to save us from sin. Labels are just that, labels. As Christians, we need to respect the differences and love All of God's kids. Is that really so hard to do?

The last 2 churches I attended had great pastors, and I loved the fact that they taught the word of God, truthfully, with open honesty, and the ability to apply God's word to real-life situations that we may experience in modern times. My only problem was with the members. No, I don't expect perfection from anyone, ever. But I do believe every person who walks in the door of a church should not only be greeted by the greeter at the door, there needs to be more from the congregation members. More people need to greet people crossing the threshold of the church doors than the one or two standing there handing out the flyer of that days message.

Why not have four to six members who, not only say welcome and give you the weekly flyer, but then they take you to meet other members when you're new. For the congregation members who are not greeters, one of them should walk with the newly arrived person and express appreciation that they are there, ask if they're doing OK, and when they need someone to be a friend, or to pray, step up. Either Be that person, or introduce the hurting person to another member who is able to relate or understand their need or situation. And offer to pray with them.

Many churches offer coffee and breakfast foods inside the foyer of the churches. I attended one not long ago. I was greeted by an elderly lady who was helping serve anyone who wanted to eat or get something to drink. The problem was, there was not a single person after that encounter who offered a seat for me to sit with them as they also ate and chatted with friends before the service. Not a single one! I sat down at one of the tables and introduced myself to the ladies at the table after asking if I could. Of course, they said I could sit with them, but they continued talking to each other and I appeared to be invading their space. I did not feel welcome at all.

I will not say that all churches are like this. However, I will say there are far to many that are than there should be. Even one is to many, but there are more churches out there that distance themselves from people that are new than there are churches that accept new people. Can you see the problem? We all say that everyone needs God, we need salvation and we need to spread the word of God all over the world. Let me tell you something right now that is more true than most want to accept: We need to welcome people who are new, we need to greet fellow members with love and respect, and we need to quit acting like we love everyone when the ones we really love belong to our click. That is a reality I've seen all to often, and it really breaks my heart.

As for me, I love all of these people. I am not judging them. I am simply pointing out the desperate need to show Genuine love, God's love, to everyone, period. Welcome everyone with open arms, be that shoulder to cry on. Be that person to rejoice with others when they share something good that's happened in their lives. Be the person who loves unconditionally, because if we, as Christians, keep living divided, how do we expect to be the light that God told us to be, for the world. I, for one, would not go to church after all my past experiences in them, if my love wasn't based on God and His word. The pastors of churches cannot be the Only ones sharing God's word. We, the Church, need to step up and do our part. Reach out to the community and show God's love. I don't care if you're in the grocery store, or sitting in your own living room, be the love of God. Don't just talk about it, Be that love.

My heart goes out to anyone who is hurting, rejoicing or anything in between. And my heart goes out to You if you've ever experienced a situation like I've had, or any other disheartening situation in a church. Don't lose faith in God. His love is Real, and He won't let you down, ever. If you ever get a "no" to what you want, try to remember that it's because God has something better waiting for you if you simply don't give up.

I love all of you and my prayers are continually with you. May God's blessings rain down on you. God bless you.

BEING THANKFUL

It's been a while since I've shared with you. I've not forgotten. Rather, I've had a lot going on in my life. I'm sure many of you have had good times, bad times and an array of experiences that fall somewhere between the two. My heart goes out to each of you.

Today as I write this, it's Thanksgiving day, 2015. I had the pleasure of spending the afternoon with the family of my man for a scrumptious dinner. I might add, they're an amazing family and I adore them all. They have welcomed me with open arms and I sincerely appreciate that.

In light of the day I am writing this, I find it appropriate to give thanks to all my family and friends who have been supportive through some very tough times in my life. This year has been pretty tough, but I feel extremely blessed. Having sold my house in Arcadia, IN, I purchased another one at an amazing price in a new location closer to the university I've been attending this year. However, as much as I liked the house, it is simply way to big for me. It is because of this fact that I've chosen to sell it to my son. I have since moved to Muncie, IN.

I've done well in college for this year, for the most part anyway. I withdrew from several classes this semester due to circumstances I had no control over. I had considered taking a semester off this winter, but I find myself not wanting to do that. I have dreams for the future and I'm determined to do my part to make those dreams a reality.

We all have dreams. I cannot fathom anyone telling me they don't, or at least that they never have. The problem is that many people lose sight of their dreams and, ultimately, bury them under a lot of life's circumstances. Some have been abused in one way or another and led to believe they're unworthy of a better life. Others are told they're incapable of achieving their dreams. There are many more reason's people give up on their dreams, however, I'm here to tell you not to believe the lies, not even if you're telling them to yourself.

Everyone deserves a wonderful life. You deserve happiness in life, and only you can make your dreams a reality. A great first step toward reaching your dreams is to start seeing yourself for who you actually are. You're a one-of-a-kind model of perfection. I'm sure many of you don't feel like you are, but believe me, it's true. You've made mistakes? Stop beating yourself up over them. Look at those "mistakes" and tell me this: What have you learned, or can you learn from those experiences?" Every single one of our life encounters are designed to either teach us something or give us an opportunity to be a blessing to another person. The choice we have is whether we choose to look at each life event and grow, or let them change us into someone we're disappointed with. Yes, many times in life, we fall into a one person pity party and wallow in it until we squash our own dreams and goals.

It's time to take control of your life back. I won't lie to you (I never will): It won't be easy. However, anything in life worth having is worth fighting for. No matter what comes your way, you have the choice about how you respond to it. Have you been hurt in some way? Stand! It's a choice. Have you been blessed? Stand! There is someone out there who needs a blessing and you may be the only one who can provide what they need. It's amazing what a kind word or a warm smile can do to turn someone's life around. There are many ways to bless others, however, you have to choose to do so.

The really cool thing about blessings is how much it will lift your spirit by knowing you've touched just one life that day. You may never know the blessings you have given to the people you meet in a given day. Treating everyone you meet with kindness can be empowering. Start with yourself. Realize that you are here on this planet to touch lives. How you do so is up to you. As for me, I choose to let the light in my heart reach anyone and everyone who's open to receive it.

Saying thank you is a great way to bless others. Thank the clerk in the store, the friends who support you during both good and bad times. I also encourage you to say thank you to a veteran or an active military person who's helped you enjoy the freedom you have. Thank everyone who does something kind for you. And above all, thank God for trusting you so much that he's given you these opportunities. You do have a purpose, a reason for being here. How you choose to live your life is entirely up to you.

As for me, I want to thank you for being in my life. Whether we meet face to face one day or only know each other by online communications, you have been a blessing in my life and I pray that knowing this helps you realize how special you are.

On this Thanksgiving day, be mindful of all the blessings you have. Even during hard times, there are reasons to give thanks. Focus on those things and you're going to lift the lives of those around you, not to mention the uplifting feelings you will have for having been kind to someone. It really is empowering. God bless all of you, and remember, you are loved.

Keeping it Real

It's been a long, hard summer for me. I'm not complaining though. A lot of things changed in my life. I sold my home, bought a new one, and moved in less than 1 month. That was an event I'll never forget. However, I must share how blessed I feel because of this crazy summer.
Winter had been a rough one for me. I was traveling 40 minutes, each way, to get to class, and back home, from Anderson University. On one fateful night while driving home, I encountered a small herd of deer crossing the road, and I didn't have time to stop. I slammed on the brakes, watching in horror as the buck closest to me slammed onto the hood of my van. For that brief moment in time I found myself staring into the eyes of a terrified deer that was on a collision course with my windshield directly in front of me. It seemed like forever as we stared at each other, and suddenly, he was gone. I had stopped, but I knew there was damage that ultimately turned out to be unfix-able. Still, all I could see was the look in the deer's eyes, the terror he felt on that fateful night that took his life.
We never know what's ahead in life. Had I known I would hit a deer that night by taking that route, I most certainly would have taken another. However, it was having careened into that deer, in part, that caused me to put my home up for sale and move closer to the university. As you can see, everything happens for a reason.
Lessons in life can be tough but they do have a purpose. I can't even count the times in life I've been knocked off my feet, literally. Many of those times, I really just wanted to sit there and do nothing, but life continues to move forward, whether we do or not. We have choices. Actually, everything we do in life is a choice. We can choose to sit and wallow in misery when we get knocked down, or we can get up and take the step that will move us forward. I can assure you, the latter is a far better plan.
Many times, we find ourselves feeling alone, weak, hurting, even abandoned. I'm here to tell you that none of these "feelings" are true. We are never alone. There is always a hand reaching out to take ours. Where we tend to mess up is allowing fear to have control of our lives. I realize that fear is a powerful emotion. I've experienced it many times. However, there is a power far greater than fear. That power is faith. Faith in a loving, living God who never leaves us, ever. It's not God abandoning us. We turn our backs on Him. Sadly, this applies to more than unchurched people. There are countless people claiming they love and serve God, and they are quite good at putting on the smiling faces and saying, "hallelujah" during church gatherings. Then they go home. Attitudes change, bitterness, judgement and criticism are at the tip of their tongues. Resentment towards those who “offended” us rears it’s ugly head and we fall back into our routines, and call it moving on with our lives. It’s not.
We who call ourselves followers of the one true, living God should be ashamed of ourselves. How do we dare to make such a claim when we aren’t really following the steps of the teachings of Jesus? How can we say we love Him if we are belittling, gossiping or hurting another, in any way? Truthfully, doing these things won’t make us “unsaved”. But they will hinder our witness. No one wants to hear us talk about the love of Jesus when we’re not showing that we are, through our daily actions and our words. I know this because I’ve been on both sides of it. I have been that person who wasn’t a good ambassador for Jesus, and I’ve been the one who didn’t want to hear the words from a person who had no evidence in their lives that they actually had faith in a living God.
As if that wasn’t enough, I have to address the subject of “shoveling” our beliefs down the throats of others. I’ve also been on both sides of this issue. Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love hearing the testimony of anyone who has one. But I must admit that when I sit down to spend time with a friend, I don’t want the entire conversation to be about faith and God. Be my friend. Talk to me like we have always done, and don’t shove your religion down my throat. It makes me, and most people, want to cut the visit or phone call short, and fast.
What this world needs is God trusting, people-loving believers who walk out their faith. The people who attend church services, meetings and events, wear crosses or Jesus pins and earrings, who proudly display their “I love Jesus” or “fish” shaped bumper sticker on their cars, or say “praise Jesus” to attract attention to themselves are not going to save souls. Living by faith isn’t about how loud we moan and cry, or praise and raise our hands when people are watching. It’s how we love. Period.
Do you love the people around you? Do you show kindness to the one who irritates you the most? Do you offer to help a friend who just came home from the hospital and may need assistance cleaning or cooking? Do you pray with all your heart for the family who’s loved one is dying, or do you say you will, then don’t?
Let me ask you another question. How can any of us claim to be walking in the way Jesus taught us to if we cannot show love in these simple ways? I’m serious. So many who claim to love Jesus fail miserably at loving themselves, and because of this, we don’t know how to love anyone else they way we’re supposed to. It’s absolutely impossible to love our neighbors if we don’t first love ourselves. It’s also futile to find peace as Jesus taught us about if we can’t even identify who we are called to be.
Walking by faith is exactly what it sounds like. It’s taking a step, believing there is a hand there to hold onto, and stepping out and knowing only “by faith” that a step will appear as we do. Sometimes, we take that step and find we went in the wrong direction. Don't get so stressed out about it. Step out again, by faith, and start over from that very moment. Use the previous "wrong" step as a stone. Let it be a lesson on what not to do, and move forward. It really is that simple. I don't see "mistakes" as mistakes at all. If I did, I would feel like a complete failure at this journey called life. Instead, I look at what happened, see what I can learn from it and keep going.
Take a look back for a moment at your life. What do you see? Good times, bad times, fun and failure all walk hand in hand. Want to know what I see? I see a journey that's full of adventure. Not all of those adventures were good or fun, but that's OK. What I see, is a life well lived, a tapestry of beauty knit together with many threads. I see a life that has brought me to where I am today.
Now, as I continue this journey I have chosen to share from my heart and my personal experiences so that you may look at your journey in a different way. I pray you see the beauty in life. I pray you realize that, even though we all make "mistakes", everything we experience has been designed to bring you to this point, this moment, in your life.
As for those of us who do our best to be an ambassador for Jesus, take a good, hard look in the mirror. Before you criticize your neighbor, your spouse, your child, look at how you are teaching them to act. Your actions do speak louder than words and we need to remember that the children of today are our future. They won't know how to live a life that's loving and generous to others if we don't teach them.
I pray you realize I'm not trying to put anyone down. However, I am trying to point out where changes are needed. We are all in this together. We all have a journey to take, and no 2 journey's are the same. Step out, show love, stop judging, criticizing and complaining and do your best to understand that judging isn't our job. That's God's job. Ours is to Love.
God bless all of you, my friends, family and followers for reading my posts. Feel free to share them with others. And remember, you are never alone, ever. You are loved.

IS THIS YOU?

Most of us have heard the story of the homeless man walking into a church one Sunday morning and how very few people acknowledged his presence. He smelled bad, he was dirty, he was alone. Hear me? He was alone. Alone in the world, lost, confused, searching for answers. A few of the members greeted this man with open arms. However, most did not even acknowledge his presence. If this man happened to be you, how would this make you feel?

There are many people in this world professing to be Christians. Many people claim that they show love to people. And most of those people are judging the homeless, the prostitutes, the drug addicts, the depressed, the suicidal, the victim of domestic violence, the people who are so down and out they don't have any hope. You, yes you, may be the only person who can bring them back from the brink of giving up. You may be the only person who cares enough to provide a hot meal, to offer them a listening ear, to help them find that glimmer of hope and a light at the end of a dark tunnel they have been dwelling in.

I have been that lost and lonely person. I have felt the pain of physical and emotional abuse. I am that person who deals with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and can be triggered by things that you have no idea I've lived through. I have been that person who wanted to die, begged God to take me Home and get me out of this hell I was enduring. I am the person who made it through those dark days because someone stepped up and never gave up, never turned me away, never stopped listening or offering a shoulder to cry on. That person saved my life. That person gave me hope. That person loved me with the love of Christ and because of that person, I am here today.

Life can be difficult, so difficult that many feel or have felt exactly the way I just described. There is an enormous field out there of hurting people who simply need to know that someone genuinely loves and cares about them.

I'm sharing this because I want you to realize how much you are needed. Sitting silently, feeling sorry for or even judging those who have lost hope is not going to save their lives. Taking action, reaching out, holding their hand, or even crawling along beside them until they are able to stand on their own again is what we need in this world. Love, pure, unadulterated, heart felt love is the answer that can save lives. If you can help just one person, are you willing to do so? Seriously? Are you? I know I am.

I implore you to take note of all the ways God has carried you when you were so hurt, so lonely, so beaten down that you couldn't fathom the possibility of living outside your dark cloud of despair. You may be working with someone today that smiles brightly but has a hollow place inside that can only be reached by you, because you may be the only one who cares enough to say "I'm here for you, you're not alone". It may be someone in your school, your neighbor, or even a fellow church member who desperately needs that spark of encouragement that can only come from you.

Please, reach out when you sense that someone is hurting, lonely, or you simply know something isn't right but you don't know what it is. Many people are so isolated that they are afraid to reach out for help, for support. However, they are willing to let you in, if you don't give up. You could be their light at the end of the tunnel. Are you willing to step out and do that?

If you are the person reading this that is that hurting person, afraid to face another tomorrow, who feels like giving up, who sees no hope for a better future, know that you are deeply loved. I love you, I care. I will be that person whom you can talk to, open up to, who will listen or guide you when you need me to. I will walk with you, crawl with you, help you in any way I possibly can, because I love you, and I know how it feels to be where you are today. I know that it takes just one person to show you that you can stand with your head held high as long as you are willing to take my hand when I reach out to you. I will willingly share with you the love God has shown to me, and help you find your way.

God bless and keep you, my friends. I am praying for you.

JUST TAKE A STEP

Have you ever wondered about life? Have you questioned your purpose for being here? Have you prayed you would wake up in heaven, not wanting to face another day?

I must admit, there was a time in my life that I felt this way. I questioned why a loving God would allow me to endure such horrific situations, surviving to live another day when all I wanted was to go Home. Many people I know have also felt this way at one point in their lives. I need to share with you a bit of encouragement with the hope it will provoke you to keep moving forward.

Having survived horrific abuse for 11 very long years, I wanted to die, begged God to take me away. I even tried to help Him, unsuccessfully, on more than 1 occasion. I found my way to freedom, however, I seemed to jump into one mess after another. I would find myself, only to lose sight of who I was, who I was meant to be. I had dreams, desires, and hope, precious, priceless hope, for a better life.

If there is one thing I could give you besides unconditional love, it would be hope. Without hope, we look only at what we are going through, not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I remember praying for a glimmer of hope, for that light to present itself, even if it were as small as the head of needle. Amazingly, I found that prayers never go unanswered.

When I went through the numerous valleys of life, the dark times, I felt alone. I felt that God had abandoned me, like I was just a number to Him. However, I have learned throughout my life that absolutely everything I've lived through has brought me to where I am, stronger, more courageous, and willing to take chances. I am willing to take that first step, based only on blind faith, that God is going to provide the next step as it's needed.

Walking by faith is such a precious gift. I never knew how peaceful life could be in the midst of a storm until I walked through those valleys and made it through to the other side. I made mistakes along the way. I faltered, fell flat on my face a few times. I would somehow manage to find the fight in me and get back up, even if it meant crawling to an object and pulled myself up and dusting myself off. Was it easy? No, I won't lie to you. It was quite hard most times, but I realized that I would never find what I was searching for, what my heart desired, if I chose to sit there and feel bad. I would be stuck. Nothing would change if I sat there in a one-person pity party and did nothing to change my situation.

Many people cry out to God and ask, beg even, for Him to do something, to help them. God hasn't turned His back on you, nor had he done so with me. His hand has always been reaching out, but we must reach out and grasp it. That's how life is, dear friends. God is ever present, even when we get ourselves in a complete mess. His hand is there. His voice is calling to you to take His hand, and take a step, allowing Him to lead you.

I haven't seen anywhere in God's word where it says God showed His people where they were going before they got there in their journey of life, (except for Jesus). Yes, He would call His people to follow Him. Yes, he would ask them to do so in blind faith, as he still does to this day. The point here is we don't have to know where we are going. We must take the time to know the One who holds all of our tomorrows. God won't stand in our way when we stubbornly choose to do things our own way when to us our own way makes more sense. He allows to choose our path because he didn't create us to be robots. He created us and gave us the ability to choose Him or our own paths. I can attest to the fact that every single time I ignored Him, chose my own path, I inevitably fell. When I fell, it wasn't just a stumble in most cases. It was a complete catastrophe that could have been avoided had I listened in the first place.

How many of you can look yourself in the eye and admit that? Can you stand before God and admit your part in the failings of your life? Are you willing to admit that most messes we've found ourselves in were created by a choice we made to go our own way rather then listen to the guidance of God? There are very few people that I know of that are willing to do that. I find that quite sad. Growth begins when we can admit our own faults, to ourselves and before God.

We all struggle at one time or another in life, some more then others. The question would be: what are you doing to change it? Take a chance. Do something you may or may not have ever done before. Take the first step. When you do, you'll find that you didn't fall into a sea of destruction as you thought you would. And each step along the path of life appears right when you need it. Are you willing to let go and take that step? Have you fallen so many times in life, made bad choices or found yourself in situations you never imagined possible? I have, and I can sincerely say that my faith in God has always been the rock that ultimately turned to and He never let me down. Was I afraid? Absolutely. Every single time. However, I've reached a time in life that I no longer let fear guide me. Rather, I let faith, most times blind faith, lead the way. I can also say with absolute honesty that I've never regretted listening to that still small voice that was waiting to guide me. From the valleys of life to the mountain tops, I know I've never truly been alone. I felt like I was the forgotten child a lot of times, abandoned, but I wasn't.

I encourage you to take that first step toward the love, the peace, the life that you've always dreamed for yourself. We have our dreams for a reason. They didn't just happen to tease us. Remember, each painful situation can either be a stumbling block that stops us in our tracks or a stepping stone that leads us to a brighter, happier future. What choice will you make?

God bless you, dear friends. You are in my prayers always.

FIND YOURSELF

Isn’t it interesting how we think at times that we have everything figured out about life, and then all of a sudden everything gets crazy? This has happened to quite a few people I know recently, and I have experienced it, too.

Although we’ve all had this happen in our lives more then once, we tend as a society to be so focused on our own lives that we forget to be the friend who cares and is there for others. This is not how God’s word teaches us. We are to love others as we love ourselves. Plain and simple instruction, right? Not necessarily. The real question here would be: do you love yourself?

There is a huge part of society that has no idea what it means to love their selves. Love has been distorted from its true meaning. Yes, we are to love ourselves, but that doesn’t mean to be selfish. That is the opposite of love. Love is at its best when given away. Yes, love yourself, but in my opinion, that means to show yourself respect. It means we are to present ourselves with dignity, to be the person whom others admire for the way you present yourself, and the way you treat everyone around you with the respect they deserve. Social status is just that, a status. It’s created by societies, it’s a label. However, it’s not a barrier that stops us from being kind to everyone.

Many people recognize that society tends to repel anyone who’s begging for help or living on the streets. It’s a known fact. Do you realize there are just as many people who will not approach a wealthy person as they would a friend because they feel inferior? We do not have to live this way. I know people who are wealthy with monetary things who are so deeply miserable it’s hard for most people to believe. I refuse to dim my light just because society has put labels on us. We are all people. We are all deserving of the self love, the self respect and the attention from genuine people, no matter their status, to call our friends. Have you considered that you may be this person’s only hope of finding the love and respect they deserve? You! There may be many people in their lives, but you may be the only one who has witnessed their loneliness and loss of direction who actually cares enough to speak to them with love and respect and guide them to finding themselves for who they were created to be by our loving Father.

Be the light God created you to be. There is so much negativity regarding Christians. There are unbelievable numbers of “Christians” who are misguided and being deceived by Satan as there are worldly people who are searching. Pay attention, and speak up. If it gets you kicked out of your church, find one that speaks the truth and won’t back down. They are out there! If there isn’t one near you that you can get to, start a Bible study in your home and be that light in your own neighborhood. If you don’t know how Bible studies work best, let me know. I have been in a few that were amazing, and a few that weren’t, but don’t give up.

Always be honest with yourself. Deep, deep down inside, we know what we’re supposed to do. It’s when we choose not to listen to that “gut” feeling that we fall. I’ve been there many times, too. No one is immune to that. Remember, we are not called to be perfect, we are called to share the Light God has put in us, not to shadow or mimic someone we’d like to “be like”. You have your own special gifts that are just as precious in God’s eyes as any gift the person you admire has. God’s plan works when we all stand up and recognize our own gifts and use them.

It’s imperative that we don’t let anyone walk on us in life. It’s just as important that we don’t stifle our own gifts. God made you who you are, the way you are, and placed you exactly where He needs you to be at this time. Be the Light, right where you are. It doesn’t mean you’ll always be in that spot, but it does mean God knows He can trust you to do what you’re called to do, no matter where He sends you. You are not a mistake. You are not “the one God messed up on”. You are perfect in His eyes, just the way you are. Remember that! Shattered and broken, hurting, lonely, confused, feel you have no direction in your life? There is a quote I came across recently that states “why look to the stars when you can pray to the One who created them?” It’s exactly what we need to remember. Call out to the Living God who created you, and never give up. He heals all the pain and brokenness, the empty, lonely feelings, and He leads those who are willing to follow.

Praying God blesses you in great ways. Love and hugs to all of you.

Tammy E Howell

Shine

Life can be very interesting if we allow ourselves to go through the waves of change. Some may think I’m different (I’ve been told that I am), but I like that. It’s a uniqueness that we all have but, many don’t grasp the power it gives them. There are times when people like friends, co-workers and family simply don’t want to accept the person you really are. I’m here to tell you to let your light shine.

When I was a child there was a lot of abuse that went on behind closed doors. I even had a relative assault me sexually. I tried to tell my mother but she didn’t believe me. She told me that my sister had said the same thing and to go play. What kind of mother does that? Mine did! Times were different when I was a child. Families had secrets that were not talked about and justice was unheard of. I didn’t have much of a relationship with my mom until I was an adult in my mid thirties. It was strained at best. I didn’t realize it back then, but I wanted nothing more then to earn my mother’s love. All I wanted was for her to approve of something, anything that I accomplished but it never happened.

My childhood wasn’t all bad. I had aunts and uncles who loved me. I loved going to their houses. My favorite place was my Aunt Vada’s house. She was awesome, a 2nd mom to both my sister and me. I loved spending summers with her and any other chance I could to go to her home. Uncle Dallas, Vada’s husband, was a quiet man that was like a 2nd father to me. Together they taught my sister and me that life can be good. I sincerely believe it has been Aunt Vada who helped me become the woman I am now. To be fair and completely honest, I loved all my aunts. There were 3 of them, and I also loved my Uncle David. Through him, I learned about the ways of a Christian home life. It wasn’t perfect. None of them were but I loved them all very much. In the respect of moral values they all taught me a lot.

As I became a young woman I found myself in a violent marriage to the father of my children. It was a very long 11 years before I left and never went back. But my mistakes were not over yet. I married 3 more times, all bad choices, and finally realized that I’m much happier being single. I’m not saying I’ll never consider marriage again but for now it’s off the table.

I have felt deep shame for having been married 4 times. I still struggle to this day about telling anyone about it. I suppose that’s why I’m opening up about it now. It’s not something I can hide. It’s not something I should ever feel I need to hide. After all, God knows all things about us and always has. I am finding that God’s forgiveness and grace are sufficient. It doesn’t matter what other people think when I know I am forgiven by the One that matters.

Life is all about trial and errors. Yes, we all make mistakes, and we’re all different in how we manage to succeed in doing so. The good news is that we grow, we learn and we gain knowledge on what not to do later. I knew all 4 times that I was getting married that something wasn’t right. I chocked it up to pre-wedding jitters. The only one I married that I honestly didn’t want to marry was my 1st husband. I did so out of fear and that is an entire book in itself.

We all need to understand that we’re never going to be perfect this side of heaven. We all make mistakes and they’re all different. It doesn’t make us bad people. It makes us human. No one’s mistakes in life are better or worse then the next person’s. And we all have the choice to make things right. We also have the right to go to our Father in heaven and ask for forgiveness. God is faithful to forgive His children and remember our sins no more.

The next step is to move on with our lives. It’s never too late to take the next step and follow our dreams. Who do you think gave you those dreams to begin with? They are no more an accident then you are by being here in this world. Remember, God doesn’t make mistakes; therefore, you are not a mistake.

I will tell you that it’s not always wise to share your dreams and desires with people because many won’t understand and may actually think you’ve lost a few marbles. Leave it between you and God until He reveals what His plan for your life is. In doing so, people you know will be amazed at what God can do and it may be exactly what brings them to know God for themselves.

All in all, what I’m trying to say is that you should never, ever be ashamed of who you truly are. You are unique because God made you that way. It’s not wrong to admire the gifts God has given to another person but don’t mimic them. That is not your calling, it is theirs. You have gifts and talents that will reach a lot of people if you choose to use them. So whatever you want to be, be that. Stand tall with your head up and don’t let anyone dull your shine. You were born to be exactly who you are. Use your gifts and see how God will use them. You’re a blessing waiting to shine so be the best you can be. Let the light inside of you shine bright. You’ll be amazed what God can do with 1 person; you!