I must admit, there was a time in my life that I felt this way. I questioned why a loving God would allow me to endure such horrific situations, surviving to live another day when all I wanted was to go Home. Many people I know have also felt this way at one point in their lives. I need to share with you a bit of encouragement with the hope it will provoke you to keep moving forward.
Having survived horrific abuse for 11 very long years, I wanted to die, begged God to take me away. I even tried to help Him, unsuccessfully, on more than 1 occasion. I found my way to freedom, however, I seemed to jump into one mess after another. I would find myself, only to lose sight of who I was, who I was meant to be. I had dreams, desires, and hope, precious, priceless hope, for a better life.
If there is one thing I could give you besides unconditional love, it would be hope. Without hope, we look only at what we are going through, not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I remember praying for a glimmer of hope, for that light to present itself, even if it were as small as the head of needle. Amazingly, I found that prayers never go unanswered.
When I went through the numerous valleys of life, the dark times, I felt alone. I felt that God had abandoned me, like I was just a number to Him. However, I have learned throughout my life that absolutely everything I've lived through has brought me to where I am, stronger, more courageous, and willing to take chances. I am willing to take that first step, based only on blind faith, that God is going to provide the next step as it's needed.
Walking by faith is such a precious gift. I never knew how peaceful life could be in the midst of a storm until I walked through those valleys and made it through to the other side. I made mistakes along the way. I faltered, fell flat on my face a few times. I would somehow manage to find the fight in me and get back up, even if it meant crawling to an object and pulled myself up and dusting myself off. Was it easy? No, I won't lie to you. It was quite hard most times, but I realized that I would never find what I was searching for, what my heart desired, if I chose to sit there and feel bad. I would be stuck. Nothing would change if I sat there in a one-person pity party and did nothing to change my situation.
Many people cry out to God and ask, beg even, for Him to do something, to help them. God hasn't turned His back on you, nor had he done so with me. His hand has always been reaching out, but we must reach out and grasp it. That's how life is, dear friends. God is ever present, even when we get ourselves in a complete mess. His hand is there. His voice is calling to you to take His hand, and take a step, allowing Him to lead you.
I haven't seen anywhere in God's word where it says God showed His people where they were going before they got there in their journey of life, (except for Jesus). Yes, He would call His people to follow Him. Yes, he would ask them to do so in blind faith, as he still does to this day. The point here is we don't have to know where we are going. We must take the time to know the One who holds all of our tomorrows. God won't stand in our way when we stubbornly choose to do things our own way when to us our own way makes more sense. He allows to choose our path because he didn't create us to be robots. He created us and gave us the ability to choose Him or our own paths. I can attest to the fact that every single time I ignored Him, chose my own path, I inevitably fell. When I fell, it wasn't just a stumble in most cases. It was a complete catastrophe that could have been avoided had I listened in the first place.
How many of you can look yourself in the eye and admit that? Can you stand before God and admit your part in the failings of your life? Are you willing to admit that most messes we've found ourselves in were created by a choice we made to go our own way rather then listen to the guidance of God? There are very few people that I know of that are willing to do that. I find that quite sad. Growth begins when we can admit our own faults, to ourselves and before God.
We all struggle at one time or another in life, some more then others. The question would be: what are you doing to change it? Take a chance. Do something you may or may not have ever done before. Take the first step. When you do, you'll find that you didn't fall into a sea of destruction as you thought you would. And each step along the path of life appears right when you need it. Are you willing to let go and take that step? Have you fallen so many times in life, made bad choices or found yourself in situations you never imagined possible? I have, and I can sincerely say that my faith in God has always been the rock that ultimately turned to and He never let me down. Was I afraid? Absolutely. Every single time. However, I've reached a time in life that I no longer let fear guide me. Rather, I let faith, most times blind faith, lead the way. I can also say with absolute honesty that I've never regretted listening to that still small voice that was waiting to guide me. From the valleys of life to the mountain tops, I know I've never truly been alone. I felt like I was the forgotten child a lot of times, abandoned, but I wasn't.
I encourage you to take that first step toward the love, the peace, the life that you've always dreamed for yourself. We have our dreams for a reason. They didn't just happen to tease us. Remember, each painful situation can either be a stumbling block that stops us in our tracks or a stepping stone that leads us to a brighter, happier future. What choice will you make?
God bless you, dear friends. You are in my prayers always.
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