This past few weeks have been extremely difficult for myself, family and some of our friends. I apologize if this tugs at your heart, but it's my reality, and I've never lied to you or hidden my life. About 2 1/2 weeks ago, a long-time family friend chose my house in Anderson as his place to end his life. He hung himself in my garage. A few days later, he passed away at the hospital. Sadly, my 14 year old grandson (who lives there) found him, and he had known the man for at least half his young life. It has totally shaken him, and it breaks my heart, makes me very angry, and my emotions have been off the charts. As if that's not enough, there is more.
Two of my close family members are drug addicts, in a very bad way. I love them with all that I am, and it tears at my heart to, basically, pull the carpet from under their feet. I chose to cut them off so they will either fly or fall. It's a toss up which way it will go.
In light of all of this, I've had a very sensitive heart lately. I've found myself at a loss of words, and other times, I talk my David's head off.
I've chosen to Give management of my Anderson house among other things (full power of attorney) to my daughter. Although I worry that it may be to much for her, I am beyond thankful that she and her husband offered to help me.
Dealing with boundaries is never easy. At times, it can be risky for some people. Thankfully, I'm dealing with that part fairly well (I think).
Add to this the fact that it's time for finals prep for the semester, plus normal assignments, I've had to cut all my classes except one. It hurt me in some ways but it's opened other doors at the same time. I'm choosing to let go of the closing doors of my life and step through to the new.
None of this has been easy. I want those of you out there, my priceless friends and family, to know that I do understand traumatic life circumstances. I deal with them, too. So when I seem "strong", maybe I am, but I do have times that I fall, flat on my face. But my precious loved ones, don't ever stay there. It may be the Hardest thing you ever do, but get your butt up off that ground, dust yourself off, then take a step. It don't matter what direction you follow (within reason). What matters is that you don't give up.
I cannot express to you strongly enough how hard it's been to deal with all that's happened lately. But I can tell you this, I'm not ready to lay down and die. I'm not ready to give up on life. I've been thrown some very hard curve balls in my life (even as a child), and I will NOT quit. I implore you, don't you quit either. Get off that dirty floor and move. No one, and I do mean no one, wants to attend a pity party, no matter who's having it. So stop doing it to yourself. Get up, shake off whatever has tried to knock you down for the count and stand up. Look life in the eye and be defiant if need be. A little rebel in us never hurt anyone. Fight!! Fight for YOUR life, not for someone else. Take back control of your OWN life, and I promise you, even the tough times, can be navigated in a way that will surprise you.
As I close, I want to remind you that you are NEVER alone. You are loved, and you deserve the best in life. Keep your head held high, smile at someone today, and Live, for YOU. I love you, God loves you. Have a blessed day.
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