This year has been a mixed bag of both good and bad, but I am one who doesn't choose to look at the bad as, well, bad. For me, they are stepping stones into the life God is leading me to. I started this past year feeling lost, hurt, depressed, broken. I was married to a man I thought I would be with till we died. As it turns out, I was wrong. I could be angry, bitter, vengeful. But that's just not the kind of person I am. Yes, I do get angry (we all do). But when I know in my heart that change is coming, whether I know what it is or not, it's time to trust. Is it scary? Sure, it can be. But don't let fear stop you from going where God is taking you.
Believe me, I have No idea what the future holds for me. I only know that I have been shown (quite literally) to "let go of the handle on the door God has closed in my life if I want to reach where He is taking me". Talk about a vision! I don't have them a lot, but when I do, they're clear as day, and I know what they mean. So, I closed the door, and I've not looked back.
It took me a couple of months to get my footing, so to speak. But by the time October rolled around, I knew the direction I am to take. It was at that time I started the process of enrolling in college at Anderson University (a Christian college, for those who don't know). I have always known what I love to do, and I've sort of done it for years. I love to counsel people, and teach them. I enrolled with a double major, Psychology and Ministry. Both, to me, work together, and I know in my heart that I'm on the right path for Me.
I will Never tell another person what to do or how to live their lives. It's not what I'm here in this world to do. What I will do, and always have done, is to guide anyone who needs it towards steps to accomplish their hearts desire, what they know deep in their soul that they are called to do, what they actually love to do. Most times, I listen. Listening allows people to unload all the things that are on their mind so they can "think for themselves" more clearly. Ultimately, this tends to help most of the people I've conversed with to find their Own path, their Own direction, and to hear the voice of God speaking to them once again.
We all tend to get bogged down with life sometimes. We find ourselves in a variety of situations that we don't understand or know how to get out of. Sometimes, we just don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. Believe me, I know how this feels. I've found myself in situations, even lately, that I have no idea how it's all going to work out. The good thing is, I know Who has the answer, the solution. I know! And God Knows that I know. (I just want to smile here because He's such a patient God.)
Here's where my problem has Always come in. When I take my eyes off of God, when I look at what's going on in my life instead of at Him, I get stressed, confused, afraid, worried, depressed (more then normal since I do have a medical type of depression that requires medication). I lose sleep, I isolate myself, I even get annoyed with anyone who interrupts me, even if I'm not doing anything important. Tell me this: does any of this sound familiar to you?
As this new year quickly approaches, I won't be making any new years resolutions. I stopped doing that a very long time ago. However, I Will be putting one foot in front of the other, trusting, and learning as I go. Literally everything we go through in life has a lesson in it. Everything!
My past is peppered with abuse in every sense of the word, since I was a child. However, it's also decorated with laughter, guidance from caring people, and love from those I never would have expected. All of the harmful events could have made me bitter and hateful. I could choose to never trust anyone. I could choose to seek vengeance on those who did me wrong. I could choose not to forgive the people who hurt me. But tell me something. Who's really going to be hurt by those actions? It would be Me.
Instead, I have deliberately chosen to forgive each and every one of them. Why? Because if I chose to do all those negative things, I'm hurting Me. Do you think even one of those people who caused me heartache and pain could care less what they did? I can assure you, they don't. And some of those people denied they had ever been a part of that pain. So why would I let them have control of my present, my future? In my case, I don't.
There's a saying that I'm sure we've all heard, "life is what you make of it". In many ways, it's true. No, I didn't make anyone hurt me or abuse me. But I always had a choice on how I responded. It took me a long time to realize that.
I'm praying that sharing this with you will help you understand that it's a very important lesson we each need to learn. Don't let the actions or words of another determine who you are. Take control back. Hold onto the reigns of your life and be the You that God made you to be. Once you do this, you'll get to where you need to be.
Always remember: God loves you. I love you. And I pray your new year is the best you've ever had. Sending blessings and hugs to all of you. God bless you.
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