When I woke up today I was sick. Unequivocally, blah. But I couldn't let that stop me from doing the things that needed to be done. I had aThanksgiving Day dinner to make.
It was around 7:30 a.m. I rolled out of bed and started my day. Coffee first. Always, always, coffee first. Then, I took a look around my kitchen and I was appalled. I had to clear a sink just to get the turkey ready to roast. Once that was done and the turkey was in the oven, I started washing dishes. It was over a weeks worth of dishes that my grown children had left and never bothered to make an effort to clean up. Mind you, I had had a surgery just a week ago and I felt horrible from that. But today, I was physically sick. Still, I had to do what needed to be done. So, I dove into washing dishes.
I had made it a point to use Only one spoon and one soup mug the entire week, which I kept clean and re-used all week. I didn't want to be contributing to the disaster in my kitchen. In truth, I was waiting to see how long it would take my grown son's to step up and clean their mess. It wasn't to be. And I needed these dishes out of my way. I can't stand working in a dirty kitchen. When all was said and done, we had a clean kitchen, a nice dinner and a still upset Mom who had done everything, alone. Did I mention that I've been sick?
As much as I hate to admit it, I have a problem. I am an enabler. I have a heart, I'm a compassionate person, and I'm empathetic to a fault. And, I've let myself be a doormat to the one's I love for years. It's not something new for me. I've been this person since I was a child. I was the one who intervened for my siblings so I took the heat for things instead of them. Why? Because I was the one who got the least punishment, most of the time. I was the “good kid”. I was a “daddy's girl”. I didn't like conflict, and to this day, I still don't. However, I never quite learned to stand up for myself or my rights along life's way. That's sad, to be honest, because I'm not young any more. I have grand kids for goodness sake.
Another sad fact that I'm learning to face is that people recognize someone like me by instinct, and they will take advantage of those of us who fail to stand up for ourselves. Like it or not, we are the ones who tend to become doormats for the ones we love or care about. And fixing that is no easy task.
It's not wrong to have compassion for others. Nor is it wrong to empathize with someone who is going through hard times. But it is wrong to let them take advantage of us. And something we must know is: the only one who can stop this treatment is ourselves.
Today, I took a stand. Yes, I did all the dirty work that should have been done by my family. After all, they live under my roof. They should help with the work that needs done around the house. Taking out trash once a week does not qualify as doing much, in my opinion. They eat here, they sleep here, and they should be helping with chores, as well as paying the bills. They are not children any longer. They are full-grown adults, with children of their own. So, I took the first step and told them how I feel. And I made it very clear that I am not going to be their doormat any longer.
At my age, I should be enjoying life. I should be doing what I want to do, what I like to do. I love being a mom. I know without question that my children are God-given gifts that I asked for. I love being a mom. I always have. I loved the snowball fights and letting them pile up on me in a snow drift, just because it made them laugh. I loved water fights, and teaching them to cook. I loved everything about being a mom, and I still do. And I love being a grandma, too. But they are adults now. It's time they act like it. And it's time for me to stop letting them hold onto the apron strings and grow up.
I know I won't be around for a lot more years. No, I'm not planning to die anytime soon. But one never knows when our number is up. I don't want to be the cause of my children not knowing how to be who they are meant to be in life.
This has not been an easy lesson to learn. I've made mistakes along the way. I'm far from perfect, as we all are. If we were perfect there would be no reason to even be here, or to need God. I admit, I need God and I want Him in my life.
If you question whether you're holding your children back from being all they can be by enabling them to lean on you, think about what I've just shared with you. Let them be adults. And yes, that does mean pushing them out of the nest. It means making them stand on their own 2 feet. It means encouraging them, listening to them, but in the end letting them come to their own conclusions and making their own choices. If they slip and fall, let it happen. Isn't that how we learned to stand up for ourselves? Isn't that how we found a way to succeed in life? Don't you want your own children to learn to do this, too?
It won't be easy. It will hurt in the heart, a lot. But it's for their own good. Let them fail. Let them struggle. Let them learn. That is what being a parent is really all about. Sore with the eagles, but let your children learn to do the same. And remember, when it hurts your heart, that this is how we teach them to fly, too.
Know that you are loved. Know that you are human. Know that you are being a parent who makes mistakes. But know that we have to let them learn to spread their wings, and fly. God bless you.
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